When a girl is born in Kashmir, the first thing that comes to mind of our dear parents is ‘koor che nakh walin’ (ladki ki shadi karwani ha). I mean, she’s just born and you’re worried about a thing that’s likely to take at least 20-30 years. Being a girl is no easy thing anywhere, bro, especially in Kashmir. You get to hear a lot of “baatein” since childhood. ‘A lot’ actually doesn’t even cover it.
Let us jot down a few:
GUYS, before you start judging this article, we know you won’t get it.. So stop reading here. Girls, please continue.
1.Your parents keep reminding you that you’re gonna get married soon even though you’re only 15. Haina? Everything starts and ends with ‘Pagah chui wariv ghar gasun, tait ti karkhè yee?‘ Hindi translation: kal ko doosre ke ghar jana hai wahan bhi yehi karogi? English: There’s no way to put it in English. English language doesn’t have the right emotions for it. Sorry.
2.Parents will relate every damn thing to your marriage and in-laws ‘Aisa nai karo, waise nai karo, kal ko sasural wale kya bolenge” This is like routine and it doesn’t stop till u get married.
3.If your parents enter your room (no doubt they’ll have difficulty finding you because you look as messy as your room 😛 ), bas lecture shuru..
Catchphrase: Kamra saaf rakho, khud ko sambhal nahi sakti, KAL KO DOOSRON ko kya sambhalogi?!
Arey pehle mai khud toh sambhal jawu 😛
4. Your gender is somehow made out to be handicapped. You’re a “GIRL” is your parents reason for everything.
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5. Your mum, relatives AND neighbours, basically everyone keeps telling you to learn cook food otherwise your saas will think your mum didn’t teach you well. Not just cook but become a masterchef in order to impress everyone.
Catchphrase: “Pagah karan aisi kathè..wanan maaji chi ni kihiin hechnevmicz..”
6. If by any chance you refuse to work because you’re tired, Wrong Move, darling. You’re not supposed to say NO to work because you have to work like a KHARR. Thakna manna hai!
Catchphrase: “korei gasei kamar doer aasun.. (Ladki ki peeth mazboot honi chahye meaning thakni nai chahye)”
7.Also, try watching TV while relaxing your legs instead of sitting properly. Your grandmother will come from nowhere to say, “Kyah govm kya govm yi chi mandach..thav zanggè watith sirf chakh zange wahravan” Lulz .
8.After hearing all this if you go and sit in your room to have some ‘me-time’, you’ll be called names like kirayedar (paying guest)
Catchphrase: “Kunizen kya chak yeti karaan..wal wass bonn..waervi ti karkhe yee..yell ni aadat aasi
9. Girls are supposed to eat EVERYTHING. You can’t dislike anything. Say goodbye to your taste buds because “Winki paeth thaw hael sorui khyenas..yim nakhre che ni wairve chalaan” (Meaning abi se aadat rakho sab khane ki ,ye nakhre sasural me nahi chalenge.)
10. Girls are not allowed to get injured. Not even accidentally. God forbid if you get hurt, instead of consoling all you get to hear is “Kore mohniw’as gasei haess karun (ladki ko khayal rakhna chahiye..Kuch ooonch neeeeech hogayi toh?!)” Han han..baki to pahad se chilang bhi mar le kya faraq padta haina
11.Most importantly, you can’t get angry. You are supposed to swallow your anger even if your facial expressions don’t allow you to.
Catchphrase: ‘czei kyazi chui sharaarat khasaan? Bè chas wanaan cze kya karakh pagah hashei?’ (Tumko kyun jaldi naakh chadti ha..kal ko saas ko kya karogi)
12. Getting threats such as “Hone do shadi tumhari, tumhe saas theek karegi,” (Just wait till you get married, your mother-in-law will set you straight) Shadi karni hai ya kisi jailer ke yahan umar qaid hai?
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13. When some relative from Videsh gets you something, you are supposed to keep it locked away. Reason- ye thaw tulith, Pagah laegi paansi (Meaning abi istimal mat karo..Kal ko kaam aayega..kal chaahe tum raho ya na raho 😛 )
14. There is a constant battle between ” kooor gasne zyada parnaavin” and “ladki ko independant hona chahiye aj k zamane me“. They tell you to study hard, have a nice job and after working this hard there is STILL no guarantee for you to continue your job because “Ye chui sorui khandaar’as taain.. naukri karke kin na, eas kya hakaw wanith… ”
15. Having relatives look at you like a product with a list of specifications the minute you reach SHADI KI UMAR. Baal lambe hone chahiye(Zyutth mass chu sajaan), Chehre saaf karo( no pimples), healthy hojao (Dieting karo) etc
Two cases arise:
- #1 If you are a hijabi/ abaya girl you will hear things like “ladka’as gasi ni hijab wajin..Az kal kus chu hijab karan, Tala tull thod ye daij kalas peth” (Meaning ladke ko hijab/abaya wali ladki nahi chahiye, aj kal kaun hijab karta ha, uthawo yeh)
- #2 If you are a maaadern girl with jeans and all.., “Beta kameez shalwar me koi pic beijna aur zara dupata sar p rakhna.”
Again, if you’re fat you have to undergo strict diet and become slim fit. And if you’re thin, you have to eat all the fat in the world to gain some weight. In both the cases, you have to have a zero figure.
JAAN HI LELO HUMARI!!
16. If you say “Abi muje shadi nahi karni ha”, you will hear one of these things:
- Jab hum tumhare jitne the humare teen bache the
- Humari umar hogayi hai..hum bimar ha..Kal kisne dekh ha..
- Abi shadi thodi karni h…abi to bas hum rishte dondege..ek do saal k baad kar lena.(THIS IS A TRAP)
- Jaise Ladke line me wait kar rahe hai tumhare liye
- All of the above
17. You have to dress up nicely like a princess for every wedding, birthday, family dinners and even funerals because your potential saaas might be present there. All eyes should be starring at you.You have to be tip-top looking even when going to see a doctor.
Catchphrase: “Ye kya loguth..maecz hish chakh gamicz..gass laag kahn jaan pahan suit”
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18. And when Rishta phase actually starts, all manzimyors are fond of getting a glance of the bride to be. You are supposed to present yourself in front of manzimyor with your best possible manners. And trust me, you hate this moment.
Catchphrase: “Bè wichan koor” .
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19. Being told you have to “compromise” in life because “che chakh koor“. All compromises are saved for the women folk. “Compromise karna padta ha..sab kuch nahi milta, yem khoth kya gos aasun wain” make rounds during this time . Also, there is no such thing as compatibility in Kashmir. Only things that matters are ghar acha ha, ladka shareef ha, kamata acha ha, etc, Nothing else.
20. And if you reject a few guys, everyone starts doubting you and the endless interrogation begins. “Kanh ma chu nazri tal? Agar koi hai toh bolo”.
21. Last but not the least, the universal dialogue that goes with everything is,”Zyada hi nakhre hue hai..sarr pe chade ho” This is the kind of dialogue that doesn’t even require any particular situation. You hear it all the time so once said, it goes in one ear and out the window.
No matter what, our parents love us the most and they have a unique way of showing this by saying “khandar karev na pata yeeevi mal maji hinz qadar”
Sorry sisters, dukhti rag p hath rakh diya but if you relate, do share on your Facebook, Twitter, Whatsapp.
In Kashmir, elders bless you by saying ‘Khudai soznev rutt gharè, bajah karnev myon Parwardigaar, rutt khareedar soznav‘ (Meaning May God bless you with a nice husband and family) and we pray so too. God bless!